bounty (n).

a7e94223960af9ee2cbb2e12e51b9c78When I find myself feeling poor – of riches, of strength, of spirit – I have started to whisper this gently: what within myself do I have to give to today?

The jar is never empty, the well is never dry.

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waver (v).

5aeb083a9f9b69c108c6580ada8d5054I find that I spend a lot of time on the line between one thing or another, daunted by Choice, crippled by Worry, and trembling at the idea that our choices shape us. Is this curve and that edge shaped by a move across the country, this crease from a past relationship and that chip from that all-wrong love, this soft line and the fluid movement I hope to embody a result of practicing forgiveness at one time or another? If I am to pursue an endeavour, will I lose this piece of me, if I pursue the alternative, will a whole new block of heavy cement be added to my bulky structure?

I get so worked up about the shape that will come from my choices that I sit at that line, throwing pebbles to make the time pass. Recently though, I have noticed this shadow behind me getting taller and taller, and I’ve realized just how much the indecision shapes us too.

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relinquish (v).

cc82aaf5a358474a550c70d8989f466bI had a dream that I was walking with you and your new love. I noticed the slow stroll of your walking – no hurried steps. I noticed how peaceful it felt. I told her what calm she brought to you. We went down to the water and were crossing the channel on the ferry, and we leaned over the railing to see the wake chasing itself. I asked you if you were happy, and then I woke up. But I have a feeling the answer is a resounding yes.

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abba (n).

8cf6af7db90c9178eb6e3ef5702cd218I am trying to unlearn, and then re-learn you
Me with my finite body and tiny mind, I have tried
to define you, and in that, confine you
to a god that serves and acts, instead of a God that is.

I am trying to unlearn, and then re-learn you
Your words less a binding law and more a poem
Your house less a building and more an ocean
Your mood less frantic and more playful.

I am trying to unlearn, and then re-learn you
Me with my limited scope and spectrum, I have tried
to trick you with my questions until I realized
My stubborn (and foolish) doubt is not troubling to you.

I am trying to unlearn, and then re-learn you
Now that I see you do not keep to your hallowed chambers
Now that I see you are not concerned with our shaking, dirty hands
Now that I see you kissing our foreheads each night as we sleep.

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I snuck home to BC for a little visit last week to soak up the scenery and get hugs from so many sweet and dear people. Man that coast has my heart.

Thanks, BC, for your stunning views, your soft breezes, your quiet shores and your lovely people.

fond (adj).

e320179842f5bf3f22b918b8e68c382dThese are the sweet things I hold near: how you danced when you put your coat on. When you burnt four batches of scrambled eggs in a row [each slam of the trash can lid louder, matching the bubbling of my laughter]. Standing in line for coffees across the street. You always walked me to the bus. Your socks, uneven heights, half way up your calf or bunched around your ankle. And in the summer, we slept on the floor of an empty apartment, not a single piece of furniture or food, just a single sleeve of bagels.

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