the word project recap part four: fear // courage.

88a231100a7b90cf1e347372c6337875What I am hungry for is to be wild and free, courageous and bold, and I get so scared of all that is included in seeking that kind of living that I want so badly to just stay home. Here’s how that plays out:

excavate (v). “What courage to bring shovel to earth and break ground, to commit to the dust and clay, to lay in the dirt for decades in hopes of recovering…”

brink (n). “And how the caution has translated into my life, how I estimate with a huge margin for chance mishaps, thinking what could go wrong, or at the very least, how many red lights I could hit on the way. It brings me too often to say, “why bother?”, it keeps me from going all chips in.”

churn (v). “It all seems to come to a boil at once…the sudden necessity for the stormy waves when all you see is glass waters.”

vow (n). “I can promise few things; there is much that is unknown and much that has yet to be shaped. There is little I own or have acquired that I can bestow to you.”

project (v). “I hope I was more mindful of my wild heart, and all its musings. I hope I was more available and less doubtful to the possibility that my life can be richer and more full than I could ever even consume.”

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,

the word project recap part three: the muse.

af4d5a4f1adb05b0b19d6cbae3bc65edLove, not-love, heart-swoon and heartache.

sweep (v). “but tell me all of the truths about your wild and beating heart, and I will tell you all of the stories I could ever think to keep you smiling and keep you near.”

boundless (adj). “You are not mine to bottle, you are no one’s, not even hers.”

timber (n). “I’ll pitch the tent and you make the fire, I’ll meet you here in the wild mountain landing of your heart.”

contagious (adj). “Your spontaneity sets me off-guard, it is alarming, and I get nervous, but the spark and the heat that rolls on my skin, the ignition I feel in my chest, the rising of the hair on the back of my neck when I’m around you, it makes me want to follow your abandon all over this town.”

radical (adj). “You make me want to make a print and leave a mark, you make me want to colour the earth and fill it with song. After talking to you it’s like everything sings, and I like the world like that.”

composition (n). “Then again, you are in every page and every piece  – sometimes about you, sometimes in your honour, sometimes a rebuttal to a previous conversation with you – but you’re always there, even if regrettably, because, if not the hero, you are at least always the muse.”

youth (n). “We were just / Two kids, we were/ amazed to be in love, it was/ sweet and light, pure, it won’t/ happen again, that kind..”

vary (v) “We are different and not the same, we are from far apart and we have gathered, glued and fused just the same.”

fused (v). “I want to be leashed to your wandering, where we are free and full and light.”

hush (v). “I want to climb inside your quiet. It threw me off, that’s certain, the quiet in even your hands and your ease in the silent moments that drift in and out of our conversation.”

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,

the word project recap part two: tension.

a6c1d1a041c8f23948b82a2f23527485In my thoughts and feelings I can often feel so binary: being an extrovert but needing space to mull things over, needing to share but needing to burrow, being afraid of everything but being afraid of becoming nothing. Craving wild adventures but loving the comfort of routine. Here are some insights into the wrestling of our hearts:

stubborn (adj). “I was a child and wanted to prove to the world – anything.”

scale (n) “There is so much to think on and decide, there is so much to weigh and sift, my love, so much flashing in front of my eyes, that is what is distracting me: everything and all of it weighs heavy, and that is why for me it all takes time.”

churn (v). “It all seems to come to a boil at once…the sudden necessity for the stormy waves when all you see is glass waters.”

revelation (n). “And the strange grooves all form a funny track in the middle of your chest, either etching toward What You Choose Because Of Fear, or, Where You Go Because It Sets Your Heart on Fire.|
“And I want to be a girl ablaze.”

contention (n).  “I need stillness, and silence for miles… I want the whole world and I want just here.”

resolution (n). “…and to find treasure even in these simple days that are building into so much, and so tall a tower.”

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,

the word project recap part one: matters of the heart.

8591ccc2792cf31be75e09472da6317bI’ve been a little preoccupied in my little corner of the world – I started school a few weeks ago and I’m still getting used to the new routine (or rather, getting used to having no time at all). Also, and more specifically, I feel in many ways I am in a cloud of my own thoughts; there is lots going on up there but I haven’t quite been able to put it into words for all of you, hence the radio silence.

I’ve found myself going into the archives of my little blog, looking for clues, remembering what I was going through or thinking about when I wrote different entries, surprised (and pleased!) to see such movement in my writing and also in my thinking; the things that used to encompass me maybe not so heavy these days.

I thought I’d do a few roundups in the meantime while I sort myself out, of different themes I’ve seen present themselves. First up, Matters Of The Heart. Because that’s what this whole year keeps circling back to. Probably still more on the heart to come.

vital signs (n). “In this time I have realized that I am so slow to give my heart concern. This is a metaphor, and it is also not a metaphor. It is the most important thing we could ever learn to do.”

palpable (adj). “I want few things, but they are all unlikely [to make manifest my songs, my writing, your heart, to summarize]. And I am wondering if that makes me irresponsible to go after one or most of them.”

ventricular (adj). “The heart wants what it wants, and it manifests with such funny persistence.”

tachycardia (n). “It has shown me that its voice is one to trust, always, always. In all things, the heart is fighting to keep us alive.”

Thanks, as always, for visiting, and for cheering me on. It honestly makes my whole world.

xo.

Tagged , , , , , , ,
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,473 other followers